Share Your Story: Lynley
I’m Lynley, I am now a yoga teacher. I used to enjoy the rat race of life until I suffered the heartbreak of infertility. That’s when I found how yoga would save me and empower me to become a better person, a better member of society, a better parent and a better me.
Trying for our second baby, I will never forget the silence of the room when we went for our second scan. We had a scan 2 weeks prior and there was (what I thought) a healthy heartbeat. Excited to see how things were progressing, my world came crashing down as the sonographer went quiet and the complete stillness appeared on the screen. She didn’t need to say anything, it was obvious, there was no longer a heartbeat. My heart broke, this was my 2nd miscarriage within the year. I left the hospital feeling totally numb, completely isolated and so so sad. I went through the motions of life but without enjoyment, I felt empty and as though I had no reason to feel joy.
I never expected that having an early miscarriage would affect me in such an enormous way, I felt isolated beyond belief, completely along. It changed a number of relationships and put a strain on my marriage, there came a dark point where I knew I needed to make a change.
I always enjoyed yoga in a very fitness way but I was always ‘too busy’ to bother with the mindfulness. After losing my pregnancies I slowly returned to the mat. With every practice I found myself feeling better, bit by bit. But the biggest change in my practice came in the ability to let go of all of the negative thoughts I had about myself for why this was happening to me. What I did wrong to deserve infertility? Why me? Stilling these thoughts during my practice gave my mind space to heal and recover. It wasn’t easy but I found myself getting stronger not only physically but mentally and emotionally. The physical practice made it possible to clear my mind for a moment, for then savasana to repair my broken self.
Over time, my practice has not only helped me recover but made me realise that you have no idea what someone is going through or what is happening to them. My empathy and understanding has grown hugely. I try to live life more mindfully and with less expectations on others and myself. I work hard at trying not to sweat the small stuff because it really doesn’t matter. I want to give my children a calm environment to grow up in but one where all feelings are valid, just with coping mechanisms for them.
After one further miscarriage in 2018, I have since gone on to have my 2nd little angel in 2019 who is very much a part of my yoga life and well known around the studio.
Yoga gave me the tools to cope but also the permission to feel all that I needed to feel in order to recover, give myself compassion and remove self judgement.
Every time I teach a class I aim to bring space in one’s mind to help them move through whatever they have happening in their life and to help give them a bit of a mental break and reduce self judgement. I strongly believe that being strong physically, mentally and emotionally doesn’t mean you won’t be affected by things in life but it can assist with recovery.
‘Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others’ – Christopher Germer